Wild Minds Wander

Phew. Tomorrow is the day. In less than twelve hours, we hit the road. Over the last few months, I’ve definitely felt those “Oh my God, what am I doing?!” moments. I know I’m crazy. This is definitely crazy. And for the past few days, I’d actually felt… fine. Like I had it all together. But today? Phew. It hit me like a bag of rocks. I’ve shed a couple of tears that I’ve been holding back. Not full-blown meltdowns, but I did have one moment where I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

Packing for something like this is just so incredibly stressful, and the reality of it all truly struck me today. I’m going to miss my family. I’m going to miss my bed. I’m going to miss my bath and shower. I’m crying as I’m typing this because it’s truly hit me: I am doing this, and honestly, I’m scared. I feel knots in my tummy like a little kid all over again, and I can’t believe I’m about to embark on this.

Saying goodbye to Steven, knowing he won’t see the kids for five weeks. Leaving behind their cousin, who they’ve never been more than a week without. I have a lump in my throat. But then, amidst all of that, something really cool happened. Something truly, unbelievably cool.

Yesterday, my mom showed up in the driveway with… a Ford Transit Van! If you know my mom, you know she doesn’t do anything simple; it’s always over the top. I literally didn’t even know how to react because how do you react to a gift like that?! My first words were, “OMG Mom, you are a crazy person!” And she totally admitted it, laughing.

Turns out, during all this planning, I kept thinking how scary this must be from a mom’s perspective. I’m loading up her grandkids and taking them into the wilderness with wild animals and, yes, “scary people” for five weeks. And she wasn’t saying anything, didn’t react much, just generally agreed I was crazy. Well, come to find out, this whole time she thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown and cancel the trip. Yesterday, she realized I wasn’t going to, and was actually leaving. Her “rational” self drove down to Ford and bought the van! (It’s not mine to keep, but it’s going to be a family adventure van that anyone can use!).

This completely changes the dynamic of this trip. I’m so incredibly grateful and thankful to her. Now, the boys and I can take all our stuff without feeling overly cramped. I mean, it definitely would have fit in my minivan (that’s my sarcasm, Mom, don’t worry, it absolutely would NOT have!). More importantly, we now have a place we can sleep in if we get too scared outside in the tent. 🤣 Plus, I’m beyond thrilled that this means we can actually bring our bikes!

Speaking of the kids, while Harvey and Theo seem to be handling this countdown well, Calvin, my seven-year-old diagnosed with ADHD and autism, had his nervous breakdown today. He thrives on schedule and predictability, and past vacations have often led to complete meltdowns. Over the past week, as we’ve gotten closer, I’ve noticed him getting a little more dysregulated each day, and today was just a complete mess. Name-calling, hitting, punching, kicking, and, of course, lots and lots of tears that ended with him admitting he was scared and all his worries about how chaotic and unorganized it all felt to him. It’s a stark reminder of the unique dynamic this trip holds for us. I’m really hoping once we are on the road and settle into somewhat of a rhythm, it will get easier, but phew. It definitely adds a whole other dynamic to the trip. 😭

In a truly Kyli-esque move, amidst all this trip prep and chaos, I also managed to buy over 30 plants at a local nursery’s huge sale yesterday! And today, I even got a good chunk of them planted. Because what’s a massive road trip without adding MORE! Thank you, Steven, for reluctantly agreeing to finish the rest while we’re gone!

I’m tired. It’s my last night in my bed for five weeks. I’m thankful for my crazy mom and the van. I hope I sleep well tonight, and hoping that getting this all out and off my chest will help me sleep with a little less heavy of a heart tonight. Oh boy. I can’t believe I’m doing this… Bon voyage!